I’ve been asking them about their favorite and least favorite moments on stage because at its heart Messenger No. 4 is about the lengths we go to to create the former and erase the latter (both on stage and in life). Whether those erasable forgettable moments happen because it’s truly bad play or because of cosmic confluence – they never quite leave us… nor do those good moments… whether transcendent performance moments or crises managed with casts you adore.

I want to hear your war stories.

What was your favorite moment on stage?
What moment do you wish you could simply erase forever?

Drop them in the comments here or write a post of your own and link it in the comments below.

and here, a portrait of the artist as a young man as an old man.

Where are you from originally?
Houston, TX

How long have you been in Austin? 1 year

Who are some of the the folks you’re playing in Messenger No. 4?
Rogue Messenger, Orestes, Past Messenger No.4

What was the very first show you did ever in your entire life?
The Castaways. I played a homeless, singing child.

What is the single most fun thing you’ve ever gotten to do on stage?
While doing a children’s show in Houston, I accidentally picked a scab on my face. Classy, right? Well, the combo of sweat and blood streaming down my face and staining my clothes was pretty fun… What? Not the answer you’re looking for?

What moment on stage do you wish you could go back and erase from history?
While playing Cyrano in college, a crew member spilled spirit gum on my hands while reapplying to my prosthetic nose in between Acts. This made it extremely difficult to give Christian the letter Cyrano wrote to Roxanne.

What about Messenger No. 4 are you most excited to be sharing with an audience?
A dude who would never play Romeo playing Romeo.

Where are you from originally?
Oh, just the best place in Texas to eat incredible Mexican Food, and it’s only 20 minutes north of the border!  McAllen, Texas.

How long have you been in Austin?
Technically I haven’t “been in” Austin, since I live in San Marcos right now, but I have lived in the central Texas area for about two years now and I absolutely love it.

Who are some of the the folks you’re playing in Messenger No. 4?
Well, I am playing some various Narrative Inc. employees, an elevator panel, trees, a fire alarm, and the like. Oh! And Chrysothemis, of course. She’s my favorite.

What was the very first show you did ever in your entire life?
It was a Christmas play my elementary school put on about an elf who became an Elvis Impersonator and was shunned from the rest of the elfish clan until Santa taught them the importance of following one’s dreams, no matter how weird they may be. I was Elf Number 3. It would have been a stellar performance if Elf Number 2 hadn’t been poking me and making fart noises throughout the entire show.

What is the single most fun thing you’ve ever gotten to do on stage?
At fifteen, I got to be a high spirited twelve year old blind girl who ran around stage laughing insanely while having the time of her life. It was so great. Oh, and I also got to tackle people to the ground. Did I mention I was blind?

What moment on stage do you wish you could go back and erase from history?
I would say the time I sang Stacie Orrico’s “More to Life” in my middle school talent show while wearing a pink newsboy hat and silver leather jacket; or the time I played King Herrod in my church’s Christmas play where I was forced to sing like a man and “tap dance”, but then I wouldn’t be the person I am today, so I won’t.  I know.  I’m so cliché.

What about Messenger No. 4 are you most excited to be sharing with an audience?
The original concept. When I first read the script, I was so intrigued and fell in love with the story. It was one I had never really read before, and it is just so exciting. I think when the audience watches it, they will know they are seeing something very special and unique from the very start.

Where are you from originally?
I was born in a beautiful house here in Austin.  I’ve been a Southie pretty much my whole life.

How long have you been in Austin? 
I have been back for 5 years.  I got my (undergrad) liberal arts degree from Bennington College, VT, and Masters of Education from Loyola College, MD.

I have lived in Los Angeles, and have also enjoyed performing in San Francisco, New York, and Milan as well as Austin, Bastrop, Georgetown, and Lockhart.

Who are some of the the folks you’re playing in Messenger No. 4?
I’m psyched to be playing the mighty (and saucy) Goddess Artemis, as well as Aeschylus (the slightly curmudgeony father of Greek Tragedy – quite a claim, right?)  I also have an action-packed line of Gertrude’s from Hamlet that I totally love!!!  (:  Mainly, I am delighted to get to work collaboratively as a member of the Ensemble.  Those gals are a very talented riot.

What was the very first show you did ever in your entire life?
I think the first show I was ever inspired by (I was a child in the audience) was an Epic production of Winnie the Pooh – maybe at the Hyde Park Theater.  I marveled at the other children dressed up as woodland creatures coming through the aisles – it was an exciting magic that I knew I wanted to be part of.

In 2nd grade, I played Gertrude in Hamlet (quite an ambitious choice for 7 yr olds, no?!)  But I remember feeling jipped b/c I lost the coin toss over getting to play Ophelia.

What is the single most fun thing you’ve ever gotten to do on stage?
That is a tie between 2 experiences: In 4th grade I played Hermes and ran around in a sheet stealing sheep and stuff. (Now I just run around stealing valuables and sometimes the odd piece of luggage…)

Later, in 5th grade I went on to play “Kat” in an original adaptation we did of “Taming of the Shrew”.  I don’t remember much from that play, but I loved it.  Partly because my mom let me spray my hair but mostly because I got to slap somebody.

What moment on stage do you wish you could go back and erase from history?
Once in a summer musical in Vermont I was playing a partygoer, and the fellow playing the male lead actually whispered to me on stage (during a performance) “Don’t you dare upstage me!”

…so then I had to.  (;

What about Messenger No. 4 are you most excited to be sharing with an audience?
I love that I get to play.

That I get to do what I love with other brave folks who make it fun.

Plus, I’m really looking forward to kicking M4 out of my bar, yelling at him as Artemis, and messing up Apollo’s hair.

Thanks for asking.

Where are you from originally?
I was born in Colorado Springs, but quickly emigrated (not of my own accord, I was two) northward to Loveland, Colorado.  The Sweetheart City (seriously, check out their valentines re-mailing program) was my hometown for most of my formative years.  I then matriculated at the Ira Brind School of Theatre Arts at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia (or IBSOTA for the acronymically-inclined), where, among other ambitions, I developed a serious love for Stage Combat.  I joined the ranks of the Society of American Fight Directors, and quickly attained the rank of Advanced Actor-Combatant.  But that has nothing to do with the question.

How long have you been in Austin?
I moved to Austin in the early summer of 2010, right after I received my Bachelors of Fine Arts Degree from the abovementioned University.  Since then I’ve visited a couple of lovely coffee shops, had my car towed, and even visited a lake/river.  I was an assistant manager at the House of Torment, where I had the distinction of making Jessica Alba scream and jump a couple feet into the air.  I also managed to make a reporter from FOX News just about pee herself.  Good Times.

I also remember bats.  Oh yeah, and I worked with a couple of fantastic people, and even got to choreograph some violence for Titus Andronicus with the Last Act Theater Company.  My choreography got me a lot of attention, a nod from the Austin Chronicle, and I even won an award from RAW: Natural Born Artists (Austin Chapter) for Performing Artist of the Year.  There was acting there too. (Ed. Note: Even some on his part)

Who are some of the the folks you’re playing in Messenger No. 4?
Really just the one.  You know… Messenger No. 4.  You know, THAT one.

What was the very first show you did ever in your entire life?
When I was three years old, my aunt Emily directed  Charlotte’s Web for Bill Reed Middle School in Loveland.

Apparently even then, students weren’t volunteering for embarrassing roles, so my aunt bribed me and my siblings with candy bars to be ducklings.  We got into the fuzzy yellow suits, complete with bills, and walked across the stage, flapping our wings, saying “Quack Quack!”  We brought down the house with laughter.  Side note- That night I shared the stage with now-famous actor Kyle Howard, who you may have seen in such movies as House Arrest, The Paper Brigade, and the recent TV show My Boys.  It’s not relevant in the least, but it’s interesting.
Kinda.

What is the single most fun thing you’ve ever gotten to do on stage?
Tough Call.  I think the most exciting this I’ve ever gotten to do is celebrate Christmas as a zombie.  My senior year of college, my school partnered with award-winning theatrical think-tank New Paradise Laboratories for the show MORT.  It was a three-part devised piece centering around death and the afterlife.  It was loosely based around Dante’s Inferno, and the third part was the inferno.  We made it into a zombie wasteland where we were celebrating Christmas, complete with presents, Santa Hanging by a noose, and even a zombie Ballet.  The audience was arranged in and around the playing space, so at any point, there was a zombie two or three feet from any given audience member.   We ran full speed around and in between audience members, brushing their hair, blowing on them, reenacting our deaths, and horrifying them with pictures of ourselves when we were children.  we made people weep, we made them scream, and we made them laugh.  I even got to threaten someone whose cell phone went off. There’s nothing like an angry zombie to make one turn one’s cell phone to vibrate.

What moment on stage do you wish you could go back and erase from history?
Upon a Midnight Dreary, October 2010.  It was a great re-imagining of Edgar Allan Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart, with two fantastic actors (Karen Alvarado and Travis Bedard).  I choreographed the violence, and it was my first show in Austin.  We got great press, but we were forced to use some sub-standard props.  In the script, the main character has a gun go off right by her ear, and is deafened while her husband is shot.  We were using a two-dollar cap gun that I purchased at HEB.  It didn’t matter how many times I addressed and tested the cap gun, it was notoriously unreliable. So much so that on the second night of the show, it failed to fire despite having the trigger pulled ten times.  In front of the audience. With me cowering in fear before the gun.

Twenty agonizingly silent seconds passed before eventually, our stage manager got the hint, and brought the lights down while I screamed in “pain,” trying to cover the fact that the gun never went off. Add to that the fact that all of our sound cues were ten seconds delayed that night, and we had reviewers in the audience. It was an entirely forgettable night of theater.

What about Messenger No. 4 are you most excited to be sharing with an audience?

I am beyond excited to be working with this incredible cast.  Every moment I spend with them sinks me deeper in awe with the incredible talent and creativity of these people.  For my first leading role, I could not have asked for co-stars and co-workers this amazing. Every second these people are on stage, they are committed to bringing not just entertainment, but excitement and intrigue to the audience.  When I first met the cast, I drove home in a funk, utterly depressed- I was convinced that after hearing all of us read the script, I was about to be fired from the role of M4 because there was no way I could ever keep up with these people. They were way too funny and way too clever for me to be in the same production.  But seeing all of us grow together and seeing this show develop has been an incredible experience. To say that they keep me humble and on my toes would be an understatement. They keep me so much on my toes that I keep falling over, whilst they point and laugh.  But it’s okay, because I’m laughing right along with them.  This show is amazing because of the incredible cast, no question.

Where are you from originally?
I hail from the land Welch’s Grapes, the Brig Niagara Battle of 1812 Warship, and “That Thing You Do” – Erie, PA.

How long have you been in Austin?
Since July of 2007.  You do the math.  Because I’m no good at it.
(Ed note: 4.5 years)

Who are some of the the folks you’re playing in Messenger No. 4?
Talthybios, Lysander, Euripides, and various men on film.

What was the very first show you did ever in your entire life?
The first production (and I use that term lightly) I ever did was my church’s hell house.  It was called “The Ultimate Trip”.  Tagline–”It’ll scare the HELL right out of you.”  I played the distraught teen who committed suicide.  We were pretty gruesome for Christians.  Mel Gibson had NOTHING on us.  The first actual play I ever did was “Sound of Music.”  I was Franz The Butler.  I couldn’t (and still can’t) sing.

What is the single most fun thing you’ve ever gotten to do on stage? Besides stab Joey–er Rogue Messenger?   Honestly, I’m torn.  In college I was part of an ensemble that put together an original piece called “Vain” that was based on the prophets and other stories of the Old Testament.  It was very avant-garde complete with all of the actors in black tight fitting clothing and performing on an encircled space primarily filled with packing peanuts.  One of the stories we portrayed was the story of Job.  We portrayed God and Satan as children and “Job” was God’s favorite toy, so of course it was a My Buddy doll.  As Satan, I bet God I could break him.  I then proceeded to mangle that My Buddy doll in any and every way imaginable.  I stretched him, threw him, gave him a DDT, banged his head on the metal edge of a bin we had in the center of the space filled with water.  Nothing worked!  I then screamed “Why are you still smiling????” at the doll.  Now, as a child who grew up watching WWE and who wrestled with his My Buddy doll daily, this was very nostalgic and extremely fun.

Another option may be doing comedy roasts with The Austin Roaster’s Club.  There is nothing quite as fun as hurling insults at your best friends and complete strangers and having people pay to watch.

What moment on stage do you wish you could go back and erase from history?
This one’s easy.  I was Barnette Lloyd in “Crimes of the Heart.”  Barnette only has a few scenes in the play and in this production they had been staged very similarly.  During a performance, I either began the first scene with lines from the second or the second scene with lines from the first.  Either way, I was thrown and suddenly drowning on stage gasping to find my spot, my lines, anything that would end this humiliation.  It was the only time I’ve ever completely blanked on stage.  The scene was right before intermission and as I exited stage and the house lights came up, I heard an audience member say “That’s why I could never be an actor.”

Also, it was the only performance I had people in the audience.
Including my brand new girlfriend.
We broke up shortly thereafter.

What about Messenger No. 4 are you most excited to be sharing with an audience?
So many things.  Doll-wrestling aside, I’ve never gotten to be in a really good stage fight.  I’ve been killed, sure, but never had that long sustained sword fight.  I’m very excited about that.  Also, Will has come up with a very clever idea here, and the cast has been able to bring it to life in a very fun and creative way.  There are an incredible amount of references, jokes, parodies and dramatic moments thrown in to this show and they come at you at break-neck speed, sometimes from out of nowhere.  It’s fantastic to be a part of this process and I can’t wait to see the reaction of the audience, to see who gets what joke or reference, and who tears up to some random scene from a Greek play they may have never heard of.  So in summary, I’m excited to share fighting and the overall EXPERIENCE that is Messenger No. 4

Where are you from originally?

That’s a difficult question… My dad was in the Air Force, so we moved around a few times. I was born in California, in the middle of the Mojave Desert. But, to me, home is most likely Fort Walton Beach, FL. We moved there when I was 10, and my mom and sister are still there. When I think the essence of “home town” that’s where my mind goes.

How long have you been in Austin?

I have lived in Austin for six-and-a-half years. Through a crazy series of events, leading from Florida to Georgia to New York to California, I somehow landed in the Lonestar State. I love it, except for the heat!

Who are some of the the folks you’re playing in Messenger No. 4?

I’m playing 16, Messenger No. 4′s sassy ex; Claudius from Hamlet, who I’m hoping will become a little Hitler; and part of a blood-thirsty Greek chorus.

What was the very first show you did ever in your entire life?

I don’t remember the name of my first show, but it was on the cafeteria stage (I was in 2nd grade), and it was a musical about the seasons. I played a green leaf (from a tree). Then, in 4th grade, each student in my class performed a poem in costume. I did the “I think mice are rather nice…” bit, dressed as a mouse. Awesome!

What is the single most fun thing you’ve ever gotten to do on stage?
My mom is pretty conservative, but she’s very supportive of my acting. In college, I was in a production in which my character spends a lot of time talking about her vagina. The night my mom came, I really played those moments up to embarrass her. It worked!

What moment on stage do you wish you could go back and erase from history?

In high school, I was in a production of Guys and Dolls. I played Sarah (the missionary), who has a drunken moment. Sky Masterson picked me up during my tipsy song, and one of my shoes was loose. It flew off, hitting the orchestra conductor in the back of the head. Ouch!

Where are you from originally?
I was born in Austin, but found my first home in Pleasanton, Texas.  On August 3, 1989, my parents were knee deep in remodeling their kitchen.  My mother was standing in her kitchen sink, sanding a cabinet at the moment I was born.  (That was when they got the call, their adoption was official, and they could pick up their new baby girl in Austin within three days time).  I only lived in our rolling country home in south Texas until the age of 3, thereafter San Marcos became my home.  Although I officially say I am "from" San Marcos, I went to High School in Wimberley, which very much shaped my theatrical future.  So, long story short, let’s say "San Marcos."

How long have you been in Austin?
5 years.

Who are some of the the folks you’re playing in Messenger No. 4?
Elektra, Antigone, Laertes, the "hot bitch" Narrative Inc. trainee (I named her myself), lamp, tree, Pluto the Dog… just some highlights.

What was the very first show you did ever in your entire life?
I invite everyone to my living room to watch the VHS recording of "Snow White" starring Elena Amelia Nagel Weinberg, age 3.  There are two performances, one in which I play Snow White and my Mom plays all the other characters, immediately followed by one in which my Dad plays Snow White and I play all of the other characters.

What is the single most fun thing you’ve ever gotten to do on stage? 
I was honored to play the front half of a pig in Mary Moody Northen Theatre’s production of "Peer Gynt" in 2010.

What moment on stage do you wish you could go back and erase from history?
When I was doing Hamlet at the Off Center a few months ago, the power in the entire building went out just as Hamlet and Laertes were starting their sword fight.  In our version, Ophelia (me) died onstage and stayed there for the rest of the play.. God love them, the boys decided to keep going.  Although there were a couple of close calls, neither one stepped on me or broke anything of their own.  It was probably the scariest moment I’ve ever gone through onstage in which I had absolutely no control over.  I mean, I was already dead, I couldn’t just get up and walk out!

What about Messenger No. 4 are you most excited to be sharing with an audience?
As cheesy as this sounds, I’m just excited to be able to provide our audiences with an hour and a half of pure fun; and to hopefully give them a break from real life for that short amount of time.  There have been so many laughs in rehearsals so far, I pray that our audiences have as much fun and think we are as funny as we do.

I am delighted and terrified. I am a 20-year character actor tackling a difficult Shakespearean lead. Titus is for my money Quentin Tarantino’s Lear. Titus is Lear if Lear were bent toward action instead of away, if Lear’s madness were reflected in the world he inhabited instead of rejected by it. Titus is Lear without subtlety. 

Titus also talks a LOT. Non-stop truth be told and my brain hasn’t gotten younger even once in the last 20 years. I haven’t had a lead in three years and before that another 5. I am daunted. There is a mammoth task ahead of me. But I will learn my multiple fights. I will cram all of the words highlighted in blue into my head and I will choose and then navigate the insane emotional path that old Andronicus hurtles through.

But there’s always a chance that I won’t.

There is always the possibility that the show won’t go on, that I won’t ever really own my lines, that I will only make the safest choices and wave at them halfheartedly. I could mouth it as some of our players do. I am a radically pragmatic man. I know that this can happen. That’s the nightmare.

What does a pragmatic man do when he knows failure is a possibility? He leaves himself an out. An escape hatch. A pressure release valve. I do this all the time. Frankly, it’s a primary reason I’m not a more successful artist.

You begin by hedging. There’s this impediment and that resource hole. There’s not enough of X and too many Y. Rehearsal got cut short due to mono and we never really got to work a third act dance number…

You move to lowering expectations.
It’s a young company.
I’m just a character actor.
It sure is hard and I don’t know…

But the biggest weapon in this niche arsenal is?

Secrecy.

If an actor fails in the woods and no one is there to see it it doesn’t matter. If I don’t tell you I’m doing something you won’t know. Entertainment Weekly doesn’t cover me like they should…

So you don’t mention it to the folks you respect, you don’t bring it up up the ladder of artistic success. You mention it to your friends and family who have to love you even if you really do kill Mutius in 1.1. And if it goes south? You have a story to tell and no blame.

But you can’t do something as hard as Titus Andronicus halfway. You’ve got to be all in.
So if you’re in near-Travis orbit and you’re already a little tired of the Titus-talk? I apologize.
But I have to hold myself accountable to this process.
I can’t hedge.
I can’t hide.

We open on October 20th. Less than a month.
Titus Andronicus in all of its violent, operatic sprawl.
Fierce and funny and brutally tragic.

I am Titus.

Will you join us?

I understand that I’m repeating myself and I promise it’s not some sort of crazy-uncle disease where I just keep telling the same stories over and over again. Consider it me getting off book for The Show. And forgive me for another recurring theme: my repetition of the fact that I don’t have a career. I’m trying to figure out what that means to me and for me.

As a long time generalist I don’t really fit anywhere. It is after all a system made of specialists (on the paid side). But more to the point, only the work qualifies you for the work, and frankly I haven’t done enough to qualify me for anything. I also am unwilling to give up my security for an unpaid internship at this point in my life. That choice limits on-ramps to the paid universe.

Kate Powers asked:
Do you feel like it’s too late for you to dive into a position at an institutional theatre? (assuming that path interests you)

The answer is

Of course I feel that way,
of course it’s not too late, and
I haven’t invented the position and institution that I will be part of yet.

I am not the me that will be hired somewhere yet.
The me that is ready will have 51% answers to 49% questions.
The me that is ready will have an answer to “what do you want?”
The me that is ready, in knowing what it is I want, will be ready to sacrifice something for it.

I believe that the best fit for me will be in an umbrella or ASO type institution that advocates for new work and new work creators. That position will come about as a result of work that I initiate on my own in support of my desire to advance new work.

The obstacle is: That advocacy is rewarding for me. It is ultimately rewarding. But it isn’t fun. Part of my hesitance to move in that direction is that theatremaking is still fun. The idea of giving that up to advocate for others still rankles. It harkens back to my days at the Exit Theatre guarding the doors while others made art.

That’s the sacrifice I’m afraid to make.

There is a place for me in the machine. But that place isn’t as a theatremaker it’s as an advocate and I’m not ready to leave Neverland just yet.